Shit...what day is it? That was a really long nap. Sometimes I like to sleep underneath my desk at work when no one is looking. It's not very comfortable down there. I now understand why fancy people have seemingly useless couches in their offices.
I know that the solstice does not happen until Dec. 21, but it has been a long, cold winter so far. More figuratively than literally. It was 80 degrees in LA yesterday. Via Facebook (my primary news source), I have seen evidence of snow and other wintery type weather that has overtaken many regions of the country. Not here, though. We're toasty. On the outside, not in our hearts. Our hearts are mostly several cold sizes too small. It's been hard for me to get worked up about the holidays this year. Perhaps on Friday, when I am released from my work cage and permitted to run free in the yard for a couple of weeks, I will get on the Christmas wagon. We'll see what the year-end bonus looks like and then decide how generous the gift-giving will be.
Speaking of gifts, last night I attended several Christmas parties, one of which involved a White Elephant gift exchange. The suggested retail price of the gift was $20 or below. Being that this year was the first that I was invited to this annual party, I erred on the side of caution and brought a neatly wrapped, top shelf bottle of vodka for the exchange. I definitely didn't want to seem like a cheap asshole. I had the misfortune of drawing a very low number, thus virtually guaranteeing I would be left with a piece of crap gift. Not all party-goers are as thoughtful as I. What was I lucky enough to unwrap? A pair if pink METAL handcuffs (no fur here) and a Santa hat that has the inscription "Christmas Princess" on it. Whoever purchased that gift (or found it on the floor of their closet and decided to bring it to this party), you are the asshole. Needless to say, no one wanted to steal it. BUT, there was a Christmas miracle: my delicious gift of Grey Goose had been tucked so far under the tree that no one saw it during the game. And, apparently, a couple people had left during the course of the evening without taking a gift. So, I stealthily ungifted the bag and stuffed the bottle in my purse. I'm pretty sure no one noticed. I will be having celebratory vodka gimlets for dinner tonight.
Happy holidays!
PS - I should note that the party was delightful and I very much enjoyed spending time with some lovely people.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Summer is Over or Weird Happenings at the Grocers
Where did my summer go? I guess we'll never really know as I have failed to appropriately document it for all the world to see. Highlights included a 10 mai tai birthday, a visit/road trip with the BFF, falling in love with the Real Housewives of New Jersey all over again, underachieving at my current place of employ, joining and quiting two different gyms, setting a list on fire and throwing the ashes into the ocean, a minor medical procedure, feng shui-ing my apartment in a pathetic attempt to improve my life drastically through minimal effort, a foray into semi-professional blogging that ultimately cost me a lot of time and dignity, several dinners at The Palm, several really good bottles of wine, and trying to break the world record for the most calls exchanged between two friends in a 30 day period (current total - 206).
All in all, not too bad. Today, September 23rd, marks the first day of Fall. There is a full moon tonight and the temperature on Sunday is predicted to be 94 degrees. Life in this smoggery is pretty good.
Despite what happened to me at the Ralph's on Olympic and Barrington in West Los Angeles during my lunch break today.
It should be noted that I spent several years working in a rehab/nursing home in the suburbs of Chicago. During that time, I was around people who were unable to function in normal society. Most had fairly severe mental illnesses. That being said, I haven't worked there in a long time.
Today in the grocery store, I was browsing around the back aisle and looked down the cereal aisle, trying to recall if there was anything on my list that would be located there. Standing about 10 feet away from me was a very tall, dark haired woman in her early to mid-30s wearing a long grey wool coat and sporting a visible mustache. She was mumbling to herself and tapping her foot and seemed to be counting something on her fingers. Clearly some kind of nut. We made brief eye contact; I decided not to go down the cereal aisle and continued on. About 1 minute later, I noticed the face of a nice looking lady walking toward me suddenly turn to concern. Next thing I knew, the VERY tall grey coat lady leaped before me, stopping me in my tracks and looking at me with what can only be described as disgust. She looked at me for a second and I said, "Hi." I tried to reenact this for Matt, and we determined that my voice was probably high pitched and the tone was a mix of sarcasm and fear. I did a quick assessment of the situation and determined that she really could have been hiding anything under that coat. Broken glass, kitchen utensils. After that unfortunate Target incident awhile ago, I don't really trust any wandering crazy ladies in this town. She didn't say anything to me and was clearly pissed. She raised her eyebrows at me a couple of times. I did not respond. Then she reached out, knocked a box of Triscuits off the shelf very close to my face, looked at me again and quickly walked past me, presumably leaving the store. It was very unsettling. Needless to say, I don't think that I collected all the items I need to make potato salad tonight.
Another weird thing happened to me involving a different crazy person as I was exiting this very same grocery store today, but I don't think that I can tell that story without sounding racist.
All in all, not too bad. Today, September 23rd, marks the first day of Fall. There is a full moon tonight and the temperature on Sunday is predicted to be 94 degrees. Life in this smoggery is pretty good.
Despite what happened to me at the Ralph's on Olympic and Barrington in West Los Angeles during my lunch break today.
It should be noted that I spent several years working in a rehab/nursing home in the suburbs of Chicago. During that time, I was around people who were unable to function in normal society. Most had fairly severe mental illnesses. That being said, I haven't worked there in a long time.
Today in the grocery store, I was browsing around the back aisle and looked down the cereal aisle, trying to recall if there was anything on my list that would be located there. Standing about 10 feet away from me was a very tall, dark haired woman in her early to mid-30s wearing a long grey wool coat and sporting a visible mustache. She was mumbling to herself and tapping her foot and seemed to be counting something on her fingers. Clearly some kind of nut. We made brief eye contact; I decided not to go down the cereal aisle and continued on. About 1 minute later, I noticed the face of a nice looking lady walking toward me suddenly turn to concern. Next thing I knew, the VERY tall grey coat lady leaped before me, stopping me in my tracks and looking at me with what can only be described as disgust. She looked at me for a second and I said, "Hi." I tried to reenact this for Matt, and we determined that my voice was probably high pitched and the tone was a mix of sarcasm and fear. I did a quick assessment of the situation and determined that she really could have been hiding anything under that coat. Broken glass, kitchen utensils. After that unfortunate Target incident awhile ago, I don't really trust any wandering crazy ladies in this town. She didn't say anything to me and was clearly pissed. She raised her eyebrows at me a couple of times. I did not respond. Then she reached out, knocked a box of Triscuits off the shelf very close to my face, looked at me again and quickly walked past me, presumably leaving the store. It was very unsettling. Needless to say, I don't think that I collected all the items I need to make potato salad tonight.
Another weird thing happened to me involving a different crazy person as I was exiting this very same grocery store today, but I don't think that I can tell that story without sounding racist.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
She can't even boil an egg.
Despite the fact that my mother was a professional chef during many of my formative years, I do not have any sort of knack for domestic kitchen type activities. For the past few months, I have been trying to perfect the art of hard boiling an egg. Its seems simple enough and there have definitely been points in my life in which I have been able to accomplish this feat. I'm not sure if it's the stove in my current apartment or if I'm just a lazy a-hole. Either way, I have solicited the advice of many in this process. Everyone seems to have a personalized technique which they were keen to share with me. Some people add salt to the water; some set the water at a certain level in the pot. One friend told me that he had a sixth sense about egg boiling and could pinpoint the exact right time to yank them out. For some reason, whenever I have given this a try lately, it just hasn't turned out quite right. The yokes are sometimes a weird color and often the shell is difficult to separate from the white.
Anyway, last Sunday, I was watching TV (Real Housewives of NJ, I'm sure), having just awoken from a late afternoon nap. It was slightly warmer than usual in my apartment which I chalked up to a break in the clouds from the June gloom. I was still a little groggy and didn't feel like getting off the couch to open the kitchen window to promote a cross breeze. I had slept for approximately 1 hour and had been watching TV for about 20 minutes, when I was jolted by what I was sure was a gun shot coming from somewhere in my house. "What the fuck was that?" I asked outloud to no one (I accidentally killed my beta fish in the garbage disposal last week - terrible - one of the worse cases of fish-slaughter ever committed, I assure you). I jumped off the couch and started to investigate when a second round was fired. I ran into the kitchen to find eggs literally exploding out of a pot which I had started before my impromptu nap and about which I had completely forgotten when I woke up. Excuse me? Eggs explode? You bet your ass they do. All over my freaking kitchen. The water had completely evaportated and they were as hard as rocks. Apparently, it's like putting a can of soda in the freezer and forgetting about it (not that I would know anything about that).
I spent a good part of the next hour de-egging my kitchen. Gross. I'm giving up. Screw hard boiled eggs. I don't even like them that much anyway. I will get my protein elsewhere, thank you very much.
Anyway, last Sunday, I was watching TV (Real Housewives of NJ, I'm sure), having just awoken from a late afternoon nap. It was slightly warmer than usual in my apartment which I chalked up to a break in the clouds from the June gloom. I was still a little groggy and didn't feel like getting off the couch to open the kitchen window to promote a cross breeze. I had slept for approximately 1 hour and had been watching TV for about 20 minutes, when I was jolted by what I was sure was a gun shot coming from somewhere in my house. "What the fuck was that?" I asked outloud to no one (I accidentally killed my beta fish in the garbage disposal last week - terrible - one of the worse cases of fish-slaughter ever committed, I assure you). I jumped off the couch and started to investigate when a second round was fired. I ran into the kitchen to find eggs literally exploding out of a pot which I had started before my impromptu nap and about which I had completely forgotten when I woke up. Excuse me? Eggs explode? You bet your ass they do. All over my freaking kitchen. The water had completely evaportated and they were as hard as rocks. Apparently, it's like putting a can of soda in the freezer and forgetting about it (not that I would know anything about that).
I spent a good part of the next hour de-egging my kitchen. Gross. I'm giving up. Screw hard boiled eggs. I don't even like them that much anyway. I will get my protein elsewhere, thank you very much.
Terrible Headshots - Vol. 8
Here are the winners for June. Clearly, the woman at the bottom would like to be considered to play opposite Ryan Gosling in the Lars and the Real Girl sequel.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Terrible Headshots - Vol. 7
Friday, May 14, 2010
I made it!
It's Friday! Thank you, Universe, for helping me make it through another week. Yesterday, the outlook on that actually happening was iffy at best.
This week, I aquired a balance ball chair for my desk at work, manufactured by the fine people at Gaiam. So, essentially, I sit on a bouncy ball all day and bounce. It isn't exactly comfortable, but I pretend it is so my employers don't think they were right when they told me they doubted I would last a week on it. Ha ha! I have lasted a week, so the joke is on them! And on my ass which is pretty much numb by the end of the day. We all have to make sacrifices.
Still doing P90X, but a wine and cheese party that I hosted on Tuesday night seriously derailed my meal plan. It also left an obscene number of used wine glasses piled on my kitchen counter that I haven't touched yet. It was all completely worth it though, as it resulted in some high quality girl friend time. I think that I am back on track now and am blessed with a four day work week next week, followed by a 2 day work week the following week and THEN another 4 day work week. There is a chance I will continue to survive somehow.
A week from today, I am going to visit my BFF in Austin where she will be graduating with her Ph.D. Yeah, she's really smart. I feel like I have also completed something. That something will likely turn out to be a bottle of tequila. Yay, Texas!
This week, I aquired a balance ball chair for my desk at work, manufactured by the fine people at Gaiam. So, essentially, I sit on a bouncy ball all day and bounce. It isn't exactly comfortable, but I pretend it is so my employers don't think they were right when they told me they doubted I would last a week on it. Ha ha! I have lasted a week, so the joke is on them! And on my ass which is pretty much numb by the end of the day. We all have to make sacrifices.
Still doing P90X, but a wine and cheese party that I hosted on Tuesday night seriously derailed my meal plan. It also left an obscene number of used wine glasses piled on my kitchen counter that I haven't touched yet. It was all completely worth it though, as it resulted in some high quality girl friend time. I think that I am back on track now and am blessed with a four day work week next week, followed by a 2 day work week the following week and THEN another 4 day work week. There is a chance I will continue to survive somehow.
A week from today, I am going to visit my BFF in Austin where she will be graduating with her Ph.D. Yeah, she's really smart. I feel like I have also completed something. That something will likely turn out to be a bottle of tequila. Yay, Texas!
Monday, May 3, 2010
P90 eXcuse me?
Well, just so you know, I lasted about 2 hours without television. That was a stupid idea. I'm clearly not capable of that kind of commitment at this point in my life. Also, there was a place card for me at the previously mentioned wedding. Sadly, by the time that was communicated to me, I was in Oxnard at a thrift store formerly know as The Association of Retarded Citizens, but now called ARC. Apparently, if you refer to it as the Retarded Citizens Thrift Store in an Oxnard gas station, the proprietor of said gas station will know that you are "not from Oxnard, huh?" I guess some drama went down in that town over their beloved second hand shop. Anyway, I heard it was a beautiful wedding.
Fitness Update:
I have quit boot camp. I know this won't come as a complete shock to most of you. What is shocking is how long I actually went. There are various reasons for my departure, but the main one is that I really wasn't loosing any weight and although we can pretend all day that I just want to "feel better" and "get healthy," I think in our heart of hearts we all know what the real goal is. So, I've come up with a new way in which to torture myself - P90X. Every heard of it? I'm about to close out my second week on the program. If you've never actually done it, you should know that it is not only an at home exercise program, but also a nutritional program. The workouts are very difficult and the diet is strict. If this doesn't work, I have no idea what will. I do live in LA, so I guess the next option is lipo. Speaking of which, does anyone have a baseball bat I can borrow? I need to beat the shit out of a bathroom scale, Office Space style.
Apt Update:
Yesterday when I was doing Yoga X (P90X yoga for superheroes), I was half way through a sideways twist when I noticed that there was a large unpainted circle on the wall above my bathroom door. I also realized that the smoke detector that used to be in that spot was now in the living room over top of a painting, off centered. At first I thought, wow, has that always been like that? No, certainly not. I wouldn't have been able to stand #1 the unpainted circle or #2 the off centered painting. I was pretty pissed because obviously my building manager had authorized someone to come into my apartment without my permission and replace/move the smoke detector. I also suspected that they had come in without my permission on another occasion several months ago when I found a piece of insulation on my balcony which I did not put out there. All day long, whenever I would look at that damn circle, I would get angrier and angrier. So, this morning, I called my very nice landlady and left her a message asking about the situation. She called me back and said that she had never sent anyone into my apartment to move the smoke detector!! She had called the maintenance man and he didn't know anything about it either!! She also assured me that the smoke detector had indeed been above the bathroom door as they are all in the same places in all of her apartments. WTF??! Who would come into my house and move a smoke detector? Very weird. She is having the locks replaced today and moving the smoke detector back where it was. Matt says I should call the police and report it just in case there is a serial killer on the loose who breaks into ladies' apartments and moves the smoke detector shortly before he comes back to murder them. AAAHHHHHH. I don't want to die! In case the murderer is reading this blog, go fuck yourself! I have a giant killer dog now who will eat your face off if you come in again.
Fitness Update:
I have quit boot camp. I know this won't come as a complete shock to most of you. What is shocking is how long I actually went. There are various reasons for my departure, but the main one is that I really wasn't loosing any weight and although we can pretend all day that I just want to "feel better" and "get healthy," I think in our heart of hearts we all know what the real goal is. So, I've come up with a new way in which to torture myself - P90X. Every heard of it? I'm about to close out my second week on the program. If you've never actually done it, you should know that it is not only an at home exercise program, but also a nutritional program. The workouts are very difficult and the diet is strict. If this doesn't work, I have no idea what will. I do live in LA, so I guess the next option is lipo. Speaking of which, does anyone have a baseball bat I can borrow? I need to beat the shit out of a bathroom scale, Office Space style.
Apt Update:
Yesterday when I was doing Yoga X (P90X yoga for superheroes), I was half way through a sideways twist when I noticed that there was a large unpainted circle on the wall above my bathroom door. I also realized that the smoke detector that used to be in that spot was now in the living room over top of a painting, off centered. At first I thought, wow, has that always been like that? No, certainly not. I wouldn't have been able to stand #1 the unpainted circle or #2 the off centered painting. I was pretty pissed because obviously my building manager had authorized someone to come into my apartment without my permission and replace/move the smoke detector. I also suspected that they had come in without my permission on another occasion several months ago when I found a piece of insulation on my balcony which I did not put out there. All day long, whenever I would look at that damn circle, I would get angrier and angrier. So, this morning, I called my very nice landlady and left her a message asking about the situation. She called me back and said that she had never sent anyone into my apartment to move the smoke detector!! She had called the maintenance man and he didn't know anything about it either!! She also assured me that the smoke detector had indeed been above the bathroom door as they are all in the same places in all of her apartments. WTF??! Who would come into my house and move a smoke detector? Very weird. She is having the locks replaced today and moving the smoke detector back where it was. Matt says I should call the police and report it just in case there is a serial killer on the loose who breaks into ladies' apartments and moves the smoke detector shortly before he comes back to murder them. AAAHHHHHH. I don't want to die! In case the murderer is reading this blog, go fuck yourself! I have a giant killer dog now who will eat your face off if you come in again.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Save-the-Dates TV Challenge
I am issuing myself a weekend challenge - Not to turn the TV on from 7pm Friday to 7 pm Monday. This is what is referred to as "Extreme." Maybe even "X-treme." Put your bets in now, people. I will report back on Monday and let you know how I do. It may prove to be particularly difficult on Saturday afternoon as many of my friends are attending a wedding to which I was not invited. Interestingly, I received a "Save-the-Date" for said wedding, yet no official invitation ever arrived. This presented a socially awkward/unpleasant situation with which I was not quite sure how to deal. What is the protocol for something like that? Clearly, they had planned on inviting me 5 months ago. BUT, in the 5 months that have passed since the Save-the-Date was received, I haven't seen the bride and groom too much. Perhaps they realized they had over-invited and had to make some cuts? Who knows? It is a question, unfortunately, I felt like I could not pose to the happy couple. If they had indeed uninvited me, it would be embarrassing and rude to make them say it to my face. On the other hand, there is a possibility that my invitation was lost in the mail. I have moved since the Save-the-Date was sent, but, my mail was forwarded, so even if they sent it to the old address, it should have made it to me. Of course, if this is the case, then they probably think that I am the asshole who doesn't RSVP and is just not going to show up for their big day. Either way, I think that is a topic that can't really be broached until after the wedding, so I am going to miss it tomorrow which will make it very hard for me to resist turning on the television set and feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to do my best to stare at the wall and feel sorry for myself instead.
No carbs til Tuesday when Megsy and I go to The Palm. Oh, Lobster bisque, I cannot say no to you.
No carbs til Tuesday when Megsy and I go to The Palm. Oh, Lobster bisque, I cannot say no to you.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Tax Man is making me need therapy.
I've spent the last day or so working on my taxes and organizing financial documents. A couple of months ago, I decided to stop opening mail and just shove it all in a drawer in my kitchen. After spending a delightfully long weekend with Niki in Napa, I figured I needed to take care of all this shit. Of course, the timing could not have been worse since I spent probably 2 weeks salary on booze while I was up there. Anyway, the result has been a downward mental spiral that has culminated in the realization that I am poor. I don't like it. How dare the Universe take It's problems out on me like this? I have half a mind to stop participating in society just to make It feel badly about what It's done to me. If It thinks I'm doing yoga or sending It positive energy anytime soon, It can think again.
To add to my misery, I've put the smack down on carbohydrates once again. It seems that when I refuse to eat carbs, I comsume considerably fewer calories throughout the day. This isn't always a good thing. If I am not allowing myself carbs, I guess I would rather just not eat at all. According to Livestrong, I only ate about 1200 calories yesterday and most of those came from a jar (that used to be full) of olives. Sigh. Why do I insist on making life more difficult for myself? Flabby arms, that's why!
Have you seen this thing yet? http://www.lewhif.com/
Le Whif is breathable chocolate. What? It's either the stupidest or most brillant thing I've ever encountered. I don't think you can get it in LA yet, so I've yet to make a final decision. I believe it is available in NYC. I'd love to hear any reports from verified users. As a former smoker, the cigratte-like packaging is very appealing to me. As is the sucking.
So, while I await my accountant's verdict, I will dream about pastel tubes of cocoa powder and a world in which onion bagels have 0 grams of carbs and love you back.
To add to my misery, I've put the smack down on carbohydrates once again. It seems that when I refuse to eat carbs, I comsume considerably fewer calories throughout the day. This isn't always a good thing. If I am not allowing myself carbs, I guess I would rather just not eat at all. According to Livestrong, I only ate about 1200 calories yesterday and most of those came from a jar (that used to be full) of olives. Sigh. Why do I insist on making life more difficult for myself? Flabby arms, that's why!
Have you seen this thing yet? http://www.lewhif.com/
Le Whif is breathable chocolate. What? It's either the stupidest or most brillant thing I've ever encountered. I don't think you can get it in LA yet, so I've yet to make a final decision. I believe it is available in NYC. I'd love to hear any reports from verified users. As a former smoker, the cigratte-like packaging is very appealing to me. As is the sucking.
So, while I await my accountant's verdict, I will dream about pastel tubes of cocoa powder and a world in which onion bagels have 0 grams of carbs and love you back.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
1st Quarter Report - 2010
Can you believe it, folks? The first three months of the new decade have flown by us like those little white flying things from Avatar. I've decided to take this self-created opportunity and list my top 5 things of the first quarter of 2010. Please keep in mind that the only criteria for this list is that it is new TO ME in the past 3 months. Maybe you knew about this stuff a decade ago. So, here they are, in no particular order.
1.) www.livestrong.com - this marvelous website provides many tools for healthy living conveniently and for free. You can track your daily food intake and exercise in a non-intrusive way. There is also a handy little app that you can get for your blackberry or iphone that syncs with the website so you can keep track while you're mobile. Additionally, the website offers help with smoking cessation and finances and many other "lifestyle" areas.
2.) Wine Clubs - Joining a wine club is truly one of the nicest things I've ever done for myself. Every couple of months, two or three delightful bottles arrive at my office and make me feel very important. I decided to join after visiting Mumm on a holiday trip to see Niki who lives in Napa. The winery is lovely and has amazing views. There is a quaint little patio where you can enjoy the sunshine and a glass of bubbly. Lately, I've been drinking lots of sparkling, so Mumm made sense for me. The best thing about visiting a winery and then becoming a member is that when you get the reserves in the mail, you know exactly where the grapes grew. It's also exciting because next time I go to the winery, I will get my complimentary tasting in addition to my member discount. Their Brut Rose is divine, by the way, and you can get it in Trader Joe's for $17.99.
3.) The amazingly talented singer/songwriter, Katie Thompson - This bitch can sing. I had the pleasure of seeing her perform at a club in West Hollywood and then as a "special guest" in my friend's one-man show. She brings the house down, people. As an independent artist in a struggling industry, she has started releasing two tracks a month on her own via the internet. I highly recommend that you go to itunes and get some of that shit at your earliest convenience. Her cover of Heaven is a Place on Earth is truly mind blowing. Get on this train.
4.) Another website - Groupon.com - If you are not a member of this site by now and you live in a major city, I'm not sure what is wrong with you. Everyday, these guys email you "the deal of the day," offering significant discounts (sometimes 80%) on the services of a local business in your area. Sometimes it's a restaurant, sometimes it's yoga classes. Today it was 74% off an infrared body wrap. I'm not sure what that is, but sounds like a good deal to me. You buy the "groupon" through their website and then you can print it when you want to use it. You usually have a couple of months to use it from the date of purchase. In order for the deal to work, enough people have to buy it. So, once enough are sold, the deal is on. Thus, the name Groupon. Don't get what I'm saying? Go to the website and check it out. Tell them I sent you. http://groupon.com/r/uu984853 (Cut and paste this).
5.) Food + Lab on Santa Monica and Poinsettia - I actually learned of this place through Groupon. It's a tiny little restaurant with counter service that concocts some of the most delicious organic fare I've ever had the pleasure of ingesting. Very reasonably priced, they offer sandwiches, salads and amazing sides. You can also get breakfast dishes if you get there early enough. Everything is fresh, the eggs come from chickens who roam free and I don't know where the bread comes from, but it is about as perfect as bread can get. Sandwiches include GORGONZOLA DOLCE WITH FIG COMPOTE, PEAR & HONEY ON RAISIN WALNUT and ORGANIC CHICKEN WIENERSCHNITZEL W. LINGONBERRY CHUTNEY & AIOLI ON CIABATTA. Click here for the entire menu - http://foodlabcatering.com/new_menus/lunch_menu.pdf
The only downsides are that the chairs are very uncomfortable and if you go when they're busy, you can expect a long wait for your food. I was once there for 30 minutes for a to-go order. BUT, I can walk there from my house, soooo...there you go. My personal favorite is the chicken salad. Seriously the best I've ever had. I mentioned this to one of the employees once and he told me that he sometimes dreams about it.
1.) www.livestrong.com - this marvelous website provides many tools for healthy living conveniently and for free. You can track your daily food intake and exercise in a non-intrusive way. There is also a handy little app that you can get for your blackberry or iphone that syncs with the website so you can keep track while you're mobile. Additionally, the website offers help with smoking cessation and finances and many other "lifestyle" areas.
2.) Wine Clubs - Joining a wine club is truly one of the nicest things I've ever done for myself. Every couple of months, two or three delightful bottles arrive at my office and make me feel very important. I decided to join after visiting Mumm on a holiday trip to see Niki who lives in Napa. The winery is lovely and has amazing views. There is a quaint little patio where you can enjoy the sunshine and a glass of bubbly. Lately, I've been drinking lots of sparkling, so Mumm made sense for me. The best thing about visiting a winery and then becoming a member is that when you get the reserves in the mail, you know exactly where the grapes grew. It's also exciting because next time I go to the winery, I will get my complimentary tasting in addition to my member discount. Their Brut Rose is divine, by the way, and you can get it in Trader Joe's for $17.99.
3.) The amazingly talented singer/songwriter, Katie Thompson - This bitch can sing. I had the pleasure of seeing her perform at a club in West Hollywood and then as a "special guest" in my friend's one-man show. She brings the house down, people. As an independent artist in a struggling industry, she has started releasing two tracks a month on her own via the internet. I highly recommend that you go to itunes and get some of that shit at your earliest convenience. Her cover of Heaven is a Place on Earth is truly mind blowing. Get on this train.
4.) Another website - Groupon.com - If you are not a member of this site by now and you live in a major city, I'm not sure what is wrong with you. Everyday, these guys email you "the deal of the day," offering significant discounts (sometimes 80%) on the services of a local business in your area. Sometimes it's a restaurant, sometimes it's yoga classes. Today it was 74% off an infrared body wrap. I'm not sure what that is, but sounds like a good deal to me. You buy the "groupon" through their website and then you can print it when you want to use it. You usually have a couple of months to use it from the date of purchase. In order for the deal to work, enough people have to buy it. So, once enough are sold, the deal is on. Thus, the name Groupon. Don't get what I'm saying? Go to the website and check it out. Tell them I sent you. http://groupon.com/r/uu984853 (Cut and paste this).
5.) Food + Lab on Santa Monica and Poinsettia - I actually learned of this place through Groupon. It's a tiny little restaurant with counter service that concocts some of the most delicious organic fare I've ever had the pleasure of ingesting. Very reasonably priced, they offer sandwiches, salads and amazing sides. You can also get breakfast dishes if you get there early enough. Everything is fresh, the eggs come from chickens who roam free and I don't know where the bread comes from, but it is about as perfect as bread can get. Sandwiches include GORGONZOLA DOLCE WITH FIG COMPOTE, PEAR & HONEY ON RAISIN WALNUT and ORGANIC CHICKEN WIENERSCHNITZEL W. LINGONBERRY CHUTNEY & AIOLI ON CIABATTA. Click here for the entire menu - http://foodlabcatering.com/new_menus/lunch_menu.pdf
The only downsides are that the chairs are very uncomfortable and if you go when they're busy, you can expect a long wait for your food. I was once there for 30 minutes for a to-go order. BUT, I can walk there from my house, soooo...there you go. My personal favorite is the chicken salad. Seriously the best I've ever had. I mentioned this to one of the employees once and he told me that he sometimes dreams about it.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Hot Boot Camp Guy Update
It turns out that I misread the aforementioned flier and Mr. Boot Camp was our sub yesterday and today. His hotness was definitely not a joke. Turns out, I found him to be quite delightful and was happy to participate in his boot camp activities. In all honesty, I forgot he was coming yesterday and went anyway. If I had remembered, I would have skipped it. Luckily, I have a shitty memory because my ass feels like it absolutely got it's boot camp money's worth the past two days. There is a chance that he will be subbing again in the near future. I think I speak for all my boot camp ladies when I say - fingers crossed.
One of the reasons I haven't been posting anything lately is because my life has been so utterly boring. The things that have been going on are things that do not belong on the internet no matter how few people read this blog. They involve a person peeing in my kitchen sink and another one being so devoid of human communication skills that he would rather never speak to me again than tell me how he really feels. I think both of them have to go.
Pleasantly, I am having strip mall sushi in the valley tonight with a handful of my favs. The restaurant is referred to by my associates as "gangsta" sushi. It is nestled between a liquor store and a dry cleaners in a very unappealing neighborhood and has a curtain hanging in the front door and window so you can't see inside from the sidewalk. Upon stepping through said curtain, it does not appear to be any more impressive than, say, a gas station; however, their philly rolls are to die for and you can't go wrong with the plum wine. Whatever you do, DO NOT order anything with a scallop or shit starts to rapidly go downhill. They also have a wheel on the wall on which you can earn spins. You can win things like a free sake bomb (Sadly, my friend, Trixi, has gotten 3 Losers in a row. Tragic.). In addition to all that, there is a wall of champions: people who have consumed 2 number 10 spicy pieces of sushi. From what I can gather from those photos, #10 is also no joke. The people in them all look like they had just or were about to vomit. Last time we were there, some guy told us that one of his friends was one of the brave men and women on the wall and that, after consuming the dreaded fish, he was violently ill for 3 days and could not eat anything else. Magical.
One of the reasons I haven't been posting anything lately is because my life has been so utterly boring. The things that have been going on are things that do not belong on the internet no matter how few people read this blog. They involve a person peeing in my kitchen sink and another one being so devoid of human communication skills that he would rather never speak to me again than tell me how he really feels. I think both of them have to go.
Pleasantly, I am having strip mall sushi in the valley tonight with a handful of my favs. The restaurant is referred to by my associates as "gangsta" sushi. It is nestled between a liquor store and a dry cleaners in a very unappealing neighborhood and has a curtain hanging in the front door and window so you can't see inside from the sidewalk. Upon stepping through said curtain, it does not appear to be any more impressive than, say, a gas station; however, their philly rolls are to die for and you can't go wrong with the plum wine. Whatever you do, DO NOT order anything with a scallop or shit starts to rapidly go downhill. They also have a wheel on the wall on which you can earn spins. You can win things like a free sake bomb (Sadly, my friend, Trixi, has gotten 3 Losers in a row. Tragic.). In addition to all that, there is a wall of champions: people who have consumed 2 number 10 spicy pieces of sushi. From what I can gather from those photos, #10 is also no joke. The people in them all look like they had just or were about to vomit. Last time we were there, some guy told us that one of his friends was one of the brave men and women on the wall and that, after consuming the dreaded fish, he was violently ill for 3 days and could not eat anything else. Magical.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Hot Guy Boot Camp Invasion!
This morning at boot camp our instructor announced that she would be absent for a couple days at the end of next week and that there would be a substitute drill sergeant filling in for her. She then proceeded to pass out a flier with several other announcements and a photograph of the substitute in question. Now, this photo was in black and white and was clearly a digital photo which had been copied, but, from what I can tell, this guy is extremely hot. Having an incredibly good looking guy tell me to run around and do push ups and dead weight lifts does not interest me AT ALL. It makes me nervous. I don't want him to see me that way. I gotta tell you, boot camp is not a pretty place nor am I pretty while in attendance. Today I had to ask for a tissue because I had so much snot coming out of my face. Luckily, someone had a crumpled up paper towel in their pocket, otherwise I would have been forced to use my pink hoodie or to just wipe my face on the dewy grass. I think the only time I've been happier to see a paper towel is that one time when I was peeing on the side of the road. I have vowed to attend all 5 classes next week and I will not let SUB's presence deter me from my goal. I will, however, avoid eye contact at all cost and try to set up my mat as far away from him as possible.
Interestingly, I have a male gynecologist and that doesn't seem to bother me.
Interestingly, I have a male gynecologist and that doesn't seem to bother me.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Pancake day (1 week late)
I ate a Lean Cuisine today that I had put in the mini fridge freezer in my office quite awhile ago. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now my stomach is making weird noises. It does say "No Preservatives" in big letters on the front of the box and it did have a fairly flourishing patch of freezer burn all over the top. I have vowed to bring my lunch everyday this week and when I was packing up this morning, I was a bit rushed and distinctly remembered putting that baked chicken with corn and fake mashed potatoes in there. What was I supposed to do?
I think there is a ghost in the bathroom at work. One of the automatic faucets in there keeps going off even though no one is activating it (my stomach just made a weird noise again). I was sitting in a stall, minding my own business, thinking I was alone the first time it happened. It's really cold in there, too. I wonder if anyone else has noticed it. Too bad there are no other women in this office.
I keep finding tiny holes in the bottoms of my shirts. I think it's like 4 or 5 of them now. Maybe it's the washing machine? Or the detergent? Whatever it is, I don't care for it. I really don't want to buy new clothes right now. I'm too fat and I'm waiting for the boot camp activities to kick in before new garments are purchased. I'm off to join the gym tonight. LA Fitness - they have nighttime yoga classes which is great when you have no daylight hours to yourself.
I've been working on the weekends for one of our clients. The nice thing about it besides the extra money is the items one acquires while assisting someone with good taste in a bit of early spring cleaning.
Tomorrow is free pancake day at IHOP. I realize that 3 pancakes are not that expensive and are basically available to me whenever I may need them, but I am surprisingly excited about this event. I've already sent the word out to several people and I'm pretty sure I've amassed a free pancake posse. This is probably going to be the most exciting thing that happens to me this week. Sad or awesome? You decide.
I think there is a ghost in the bathroom at work. One of the automatic faucets in there keeps going off even though no one is activating it (my stomach just made a weird noise again). I was sitting in a stall, minding my own business, thinking I was alone the first time it happened. It's really cold in there, too. I wonder if anyone else has noticed it. Too bad there are no other women in this office.
I keep finding tiny holes in the bottoms of my shirts. I think it's like 4 or 5 of them now. Maybe it's the washing machine? Or the detergent? Whatever it is, I don't care for it. I really don't want to buy new clothes right now. I'm too fat and I'm waiting for the boot camp activities to kick in before new garments are purchased. I'm off to join the gym tonight. LA Fitness - they have nighttime yoga classes which is great when you have no daylight hours to yourself.
I've been working on the weekends for one of our clients. The nice thing about it besides the extra money is the items one acquires while assisting someone with good taste in a bit of early spring cleaning.
Tomorrow is free pancake day at IHOP. I realize that 3 pancakes are not that expensive and are basically available to me whenever I may need them, but I am surprisingly excited about this event. I've already sent the word out to several people and I'm pretty sure I've amassed a free pancake posse. This is probably going to be the most exciting thing that happens to me this week. Sad or awesome? You decide.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Don't text me, I'll text you
I've decided that sending important news via text message is NOT okay. Recently, I've had several friends end relationships through the magic of text message. In fact, I received a rather hilariously passive one myself this morning. There is an episode of Seinfeld in which Jerry debates whether he can break up with a girl over the phone or if he has to do it in person. Elaine tells him if they've slept together then he has to do it in person. I know that this show was written in the 90s, but I think that this standard should still apply. You can't break up over TEXT! I will admit that I am just as guilty of hiding behind technology as the next person. To be honest, the text I got this morning was in response to an email I had sent. It is so much easier to press "send" at the top of an email than to confront someone face to face. Just to get my point across, I "unfriended" on Facebook. This way, the offending party knows I mean business, but it requires very little pain and suffering on my part. And, it leaves the door wide open for them to speculate what exactly my problem might be. Through these new methods of communication, we are able to avoid so much disappointment and we have a record of EXACTLY what we "said." The bad thing is, when you avoid actually having a conversation, you aren't able to see the other person's face and you don't get to know what their initial reaction is. Most likely, the first version of the text/email is different from the one that is actually sent. Catherine and I spend good chunks of time composing the perfect text response for various occasions. Not only have you completely avoided hearing the person's voice, you've probably had their side of the conversation in your own stupid head.
If this is the kind of behavior coming from someone who grew up without a cellphone and who was alive before the internet was invented, what's going to happen to the poor socially-retarded younger set?
I am resolving to to only convey important info verbally. Or I'll at least send a handwritten letter.
And I'll try to stop saying, "info."
If this is the kind of behavior coming from someone who grew up without a cellphone and who was alive before the internet was invented, what's going to happen to the poor socially-retarded younger set?
I am resolving to to only convey important info verbally. Or I'll at least send a handwritten letter.
And I'll try to stop saying, "info."
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Let's talk about EARTHQUAKES
Recently, there has been quite a bit of tectonic plate movement on this fair earth of ours. As a resident of Southern California, I'm mildly concerned by all this activity. Just in the past week, there have been 2 in towns through which BFF and I traveled on our recent holiday trip. Today, there was a pretty big one in Haiti. And, apparently, for the past several months, the border of California and Mexico has had an unusually high number of earthquake swarms.
I have felt 2 earthquakes in the past 3 years. Or ever in my life, I suppose. The first one shook my office building and I almost hid under my desk and the second one was barely noticeable. Because of all this first hand experience, I think I can expertly say that earthquakes are fucking frightening and I don't want to be here when the shit goes down.
I've been researching earthquake survival kits. It seems that the best option is to compile your own. The prepackage ones you can buy online come with "food bars." These are NOT Luna bars, people. They are these weird little squares that apparently can sustain an adult human for 3 days. They appear to be made of cardboard and, according to the packaging, taste lemon-y.
One blogger suggested peanut butter and jelly and crackers. A friend of mine keeps a giant bag of shelled peanuts in her closet. I'm going to continue my research and when I put together my own kit this weekend, I'll post a list. Hopefully, nothing will happen between now and then.
Despite the levity in parts of this post, earthquakes are not a joke. My most positive thoughts are being sent to Haiti today.
I have felt 2 earthquakes in the past 3 years. Or ever in my life, I suppose. The first one shook my office building and I almost hid under my desk and the second one was barely noticeable. Because of all this first hand experience, I think I can expertly say that earthquakes are fucking frightening and I don't want to be here when the shit goes down.
I've been researching earthquake survival kits. It seems that the best option is to compile your own. The prepackage ones you can buy online come with "food bars." These are NOT Luna bars, people. They are these weird little squares that apparently can sustain an adult human for 3 days. They appear to be made of cardboard and, according to the packaging, taste lemon-y.
One blogger suggested peanut butter and jelly and crackers. A friend of mine keeps a giant bag of shelled peanuts in her closet. I'm going to continue my research and when I put together my own kit this weekend, I'll post a list. Hopefully, nothing will happen between now and then.
Despite the levity in parts of this post, earthquakes are not a joke. My most positive thoughts are being sent to Haiti today.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Blue Cake
Today, as I was walking down a hill in the park, making my way toward the daily humiliation that is boot camp, I spied a curious object: folded up against a tree was half of a bright blue birthday cake on an aluminum cake pan. There was a design on the cake which included words, but they had been smeared and were thus illegible. I was staring down at my own sneaker clad feet, wondering how in the hell they had brought me to this place for yet another morning's worth of pain and suffering and then - a blue birthday cake. A couple things struck me immediately - #1. why hadn't any of the homeless people who clearly sleep in the park eaten the rest of this cake, and #2 - how difficult would it have been for the celebratory party to take the rest of the cake home? I've spend most of the day pondering how that blue cake and I crossed paths this morning. Did a mom get mad and leave it on purpose? Did someone drop it so it landed perfectly against that tree? Did the birthday boy's sibling try to hide it out of jealousy? Was the other half eaten by a family of willpower-less diabetics who did not trust themselves to have half a chocolate cake in the house? Had it happened late at night and none of the homeless people had seen it by 7am? If I was homeless, would l want to eat discarded blue frosted birthday cake? Was I an asshole for even thinking that?
I'm going to walk the exact same way tomorrow morning and see what's up. I bet at least a dog tried to eat it. Likely, a maintenance worker threw it in an actual trash receptacle at some point today.
Hopefully, I'll find something equally intriguing.
I'm going to walk the exact same way tomorrow morning and see what's up. I bet at least a dog tried to eat it. Likely, a maintenance worker threw it in an actual trash receptacle at some point today.
Hopefully, I'll find something equally intriguing.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
New Year's Boot Camp
Dear Steph, Happy New Year!!! Hope you enjoy getting up before the sun and being tortured in the public square 5 days a week for 5 weeks. Because that's what's going to happen to you! Sincerely, The Universe.
Today I started some terrible thing called Morning Crunch Boot Camp. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I actually paid for it. It happens at 7:15am in Pan Pacific Park. I have very mixed feelings about what happened this morning. I should start by saying that by the end I was shaking and near vomiting. That means it's working, right? How in the world am I going to actually make it again tomorrow? My body became sore approximately 4 minutes into my drive home. It's actually quite difficult to move my hands to type right now.
In happier news, I had a delightful holiday touring the West side of the country with my BFF. We only almost died once or twice. I can't say I get the appeal of Portland. It's nice enough, but I don't know what all the fuss is about. They do, however, have amazing happy hours. Once I am feeling better, perhaps I will share some more antidotes from our adventure. Sadly, BFF had to go back to Austin today. I hate it when that time arrives. The party is officially over. Actually, I will be throwing a party in 5 weeks to celebrate my liberation from this hell camp. Excuse me, Boot Camp. I better look good at the end. Do you hear that, Universe?
Today I started some terrible thing called Morning Crunch Boot Camp. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I actually paid for it. It happens at 7:15am in Pan Pacific Park. I have very mixed feelings about what happened this morning. I should start by saying that by the end I was shaking and near vomiting. That means it's working, right? How in the world am I going to actually make it again tomorrow? My body became sore approximately 4 minutes into my drive home. It's actually quite difficult to move my hands to type right now.
In happier news, I had a delightful holiday touring the West side of the country with my BFF. We only almost died once or twice. I can't say I get the appeal of Portland. It's nice enough, but I don't know what all the fuss is about. They do, however, have amazing happy hours. Once I am feeling better, perhaps I will share some more antidotes from our adventure. Sadly, BFF had to go back to Austin today. I hate it when that time arrives. The party is officially over. Actually, I will be throwing a party in 5 weeks to celebrate my liberation from this hell camp. Excuse me, Boot Camp. I better look good at the end. Do you hear that, Universe?
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