Weekend Update

Whoa - a lot of stuff happened this weekend. Not so much on Friday. I was supposed to hang out with a friend from college, but we couldn't get our shit together, so my roommate and I watched the terrible movie, Bride Wars. I am upset that because we ordered it on demand, it will actually show up on the cable bill. Embarrassing. Though it truly is the filmmakers who should be embarrassed. I mean, what a piece of shit. It is too bad, as there are some adequate acting performances. The director and the music supervisor should be ashamed of themselves. Not to mention the script problems including the fact that if two people are that close, they would more realistically be excited to get married on the same day. Also, there were editing problems. AND multiple still motion montages. AND extremely poor use of voice over. Wow - that movie really got me worked up. After that, I went to bed early #1 because I was sad to be part of a society that produced such an atrocious film and #2 because I wanted to be well rested for my POWER YOGA class on Saturday morning. That's right - Power Yoga. Prior to this weekend, I had never actually taken a yoga class before. A word of advice that probably sounds like common sense to most people - if you have never taken a yoga class before, don't start with Power Yoga, even if it's a beginners' class and really fits in with your work schedule. As of Monday at 10:50am, my body has still not recovered. It hurts when I breathe. Laughing is out of the question. I haven't sweat that much since doing the Total Body Burn workout in the Hip Hop Abs collection. It was made worse by the fact that the class was over an hour long and I just couldn't find a way out. I was forced to continue to participate. There were puddles of sweat on my yoga mat and my hands were so slippery that I kept falling over. The only bright side was that there was one guy there who was worse than I was. After I was released from prison camp, I went back to my house and quickly showered and my friend picked me up and we went out to lunch. After lunch, we went back to her apartment to do some business business. I think she must have forgotten that she picked me up because when I was leaving, she was like - "Bye! Thanks so much for helping me! I'll see you soon!" I think it's important to mention here that it was literally 100 degrees on Saturday in Los Angeles. Nonetheless, rather than be a lazy ass, I walked the 10 blocks or so back to my own apartment. At this point, instinct was telling me to just jump in the pool with my clothes on, but instead I had to get ready. My lovely roommate (the same one who forced me to watch Bride Wars) got tickets to see Liza Minnelli at the Hollywood Bowl Saturday Night! As I was lounging on the couch, waiting to leave, I happened upon Ted Kennedy's funeral which was, of course, being televised on CNN. The ceremony had run about 3 hours later than expected and it was pretty much black onscreen. Toward the end, the priest announced that several of Ted's grandchildren had some words. When they eventually found their way to the stage, one of them practically cried, "I can't see ANYTHING." It was very sad. I was about to turn the TV off at that point and read the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, but then a documentary called "Teddy: In His Own Words" started to air. Incredible! What a loss. Very emotional. I felt like a hypocrite for mocking people who had posted status updates about Ted Kennedy on facebook. Side bar - Diet Hansen's Pomegranate Soda tastes like cough medicine. Needless to say, by the time we got to our little box at the Hollywood Bowl, I was already extra sensitive. Liza was amazing. This was the first time I had seen her live. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Many props to the rooms for bringing me along. The only downside to the evening was that the relationship between the father and daughter sitting in front of us seemed to be extremely inappropriate. Happily, Rooms had thought ahead and brought along a bottle of wine for each act, so by the time we were standing outside the car waiting for other patrons to get the hell out of our way, I was in a pretty good place. Now, this may seem like more common sense, but Power Yoga followed by a bottle of wine on Saturday equals not being able to move on Sunday morning. Not even my head as my neck and shoulder muscles were bearing the brunt of Warrior 1 & 4. Somehow, I managed to pull myself out of bed, into the shower and drive over to my friends house for a reading of a play her theater company is workshopping. Listening to plays being read out loud has to be one of my least favorite activities. It was about 90 degrees in the apartment and as my body was not working properly anyway, the entire ordeal was a lot for me. Afterward, I sat in Denny's for awhile with some of my peeps and discussed next weekend's trip to San Francisco. Should be super fun. My weekend wrapped up with some marathon television watching - True Blood, Entourage, Mad Men, The Soup - during which I did manged to finish a little art project and do some laundry (mat days are over for now). Best line from True Blood this week - "That's Satan in your motherfucking Sunday hat." Excuse me? Brilliant. What's up with that egg?? Sadly, we all must wait two weeks to see the season finale. So, back at work today, but only for 4 days this week! Then 4 day weekend. I wonder if I could somehow make that a permanent arrangement.

Wrong turn

Today was really shaping up there for awhile. Got up early this morning and did hip hop abs with my digital friend, Shawn T.. Always a good way to start the day, right? And, even though I did the same thing to it as I always do, my hair turned out super bouncy which I enjoy. I'm also sporting some hoop-like earrings that I purchased in one of my favorite towns in the United States, Hawi. Somehow, it has taken a wrong turn along the way. I believe that it has something to do with sitting at a desk from the 80s, staring at a messy office and not eating carbs all day long. I'm pretty sure I've checked facebook at least 20 times. Nothing that interesting has popped up so far, but I have to keep checking just in case something amazing happens to someone I know and rather than call and report the event, they simply microblog about it and assume we will all be updated.
Whenever my boss asks me to do anything, he has a nasty habit of standing there and looking at me until I do it. It makes me uncomfortable and nervous.
As I watch the clock at the bottom of my computer screen slowly record the passing of the best years of my life, I must remember that when I leave here I will be back to the other half of the reality of things. The better half. It'll be like this never happened. Until 10am tomorrow, I suppose.

Fiore's missing car found in West Hollywood; police look for homicide evidence

Fiore's missing car found in West Hollywood; police look for homicide evidence

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This is where I buy my premium beef chunks and soy sauce!

Laundry mats

Sitting outside the laundry mat. Is anything more boring? Possibly the DMV, but one doesn't have to do that as often. I think that if a person has to sit outside the laundry mat on a regular basis then they have failed in life. This is not the way things are supposed to be. I mean, come on, people. I watched a documentary series recently called "I Shouldn't Be Alive." I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ALLOWED to watch it. People actually were torn apart by sharks like they were pieces of chum. I sincerely hope I am never eaten by sharks. I keep thinking of it because I've been very dehydrated lately and those people went without water for something like 7 days. Two guys drank salt water and went crazy and basically fed themselves to the sharks. I cannot comprehend this kind of desperation, but, really, you never know when you might be faced with an extraordinary situation. You cannot write about that kind of emotion and I think, unless they've experienced it first hand, an actor cannot portray it. But those people who do reenactments for the Discovery Channel do a damn fine job. It's just unfuckingbelievable and most of us will go our entire lives without coming close to anything like it.
Okay, the guy just closed the laundry mat. I better be able to get back in there to retrieve my clothes. I prefer to sit in my car while my laundry is tumbling. I feel like it's a little nest. A little nest filled with cigarette smoke and empty diet mountain dew bottles. Laundry mats seem so dirty and lonely to me. A lot of people have good laundry mat stories. What happens at the laundry mat, stays at the laundry mat. How many times have I written the words "laundry mat?" Seven.
God, I'm thirsty. There's a 7-11 across the street, but I'd rather stay in my car and be thirsty.
I'm going in to wait.

Pre-30th birthday

I just crumpled up my list of 30th birthday goals and threw them in the trash. I should shred them so I can’t dig them out. One time I dug oatmeal crème pies out of the trash after I had thrown them out. Then I ate them. Recently, I dug out a pack of Parliments. Is it better to throw them out and then go digging or to just accept your ineptitude at life and not bother discarding them in the first place? I have a feeling that a list of goals won’t inspire dumpster diving the same way baked goods do. There are so many fucking goals I set for myself that I never reach. It’s ridiculous and it makes me feel bad about myself. Another probing question – is it better to set goals you never meet and feel like shit about it or to never set goals and feel guilty about your pointless life? Once I start obsessing about changing something in my life, it’s very difficult to turn it off. The desktop background on my work computer is a picture I took last time I was in Hawaii at my favorite beach. There are no people in this photo. My boss has pictures of his wife and kids all over his office. I wonder if I am ever going to like a group of people enough to stare at them on my computer screen all day long. I’m pretty content staring at what I imagine is my own private Hawaiian beach without any bitches crowding my space. And where no one pees in the water except the fish. All these great birthday goals. Was it a waste? I did feel good when I was writing them out. Hope that you will become a better, more interesting, thinner person is not a bad thing. At least I used the teeth whitening strips. That’s something.