I made it!

It's Friday! Thank you, Universe, for helping me make it through another week. Yesterday, the outlook on that actually happening was iffy at best.
This week, I aquired a balance ball chair for my desk at work, manufactured by the fine people at Gaiam. So, essentially, I sit on a bouncy ball all day and bounce. It isn't exactly comfortable, but I pretend it is so my employers don't think they were right when they told me they doubted I would last a week on it. Ha ha! I have lasted a week, so the joke is on them! And on my ass which is pretty much numb by the end of the day. We all have to make sacrifices.
Still doing P90X, but a wine and cheese party that I hosted on Tuesday night seriously derailed my meal plan. It also left an obscene number of used wine glasses piled on my kitchen counter that I haven't touched yet. It was all completely worth it though, as it resulted in some high quality girl friend time. I think that I am back on track now and am blessed with a four day work week next week, followed by a 2 day work week the following week and THEN another 4 day work week. There is a chance I will continue to survive somehow.
A week from today, I am going to visit my BFF in Austin where she will be graduating with her Ph.D. Yeah, she's really smart. I feel like I have also completed something. That something will likely turn out to be a bottle of tequila. Yay, Texas!

P90 eXcuse me?

Well, just so you know, I lasted about 2 hours without television. That was a stupid idea. I'm clearly not capable of that kind of commitment at this point in my life. Also, there was a place card for me at the previously mentioned wedding. Sadly, by the time that was communicated to me, I was in Oxnard at a thrift store formerly know as The Association of Retarded Citizens, but now called ARC. Apparently, if you refer to it as the Retarded Citizens Thrift Store in an Oxnard gas station, the proprietor of said gas station will know that you are "not from Oxnard, huh?" I guess some drama went down in that town over their beloved second hand shop. Anyway, I heard it was a beautiful wedding.
Fitness Update:
I have quit boot camp. I know this won't come as a complete shock to most of you. What is shocking is how long I actually went. There are various reasons for my departure, but the main one is that I really wasn't loosing any weight and although we can pretend all day that I just want to "feel better" and "get healthy," I think in our heart of hearts we all know what the real goal is. So, I've come up with a new way in which to torture myself - P90X. Every heard of it? I'm about to close out my second week on the program. If you've never actually done it, you should know that it is not only an at home exercise program, but also a nutritional program. The workouts are very difficult and the diet is strict. If this doesn't work, I have no idea what will. I do live in LA, so I guess the next option is lipo. Speaking of which, does anyone have a baseball bat I can borrow? I need to beat the shit out of a bathroom scale, Office Space style.
Apt Update:
Yesterday when I was doing Yoga X (P90X yoga for superheroes), I was half way through a sideways twist when I noticed that there was a large unpainted circle on the wall above my bathroom door. I also realized that the smoke detector that used to be in that spot was now in the living room over top of a painting, off centered. At first I thought, wow, has that always been like that? No, certainly not. I wouldn't have been able to stand #1 the unpainted circle or #2 the off centered painting. I was pretty pissed because obviously my building manager had authorized someone to come into my apartment without my permission and replace/move the smoke detector. I also suspected that they had come in without my permission on another occasion several months ago when I found a piece of insulation on my balcony which I did not put out there. All day long, whenever I would look at that damn circle, I would get angrier and angrier. So, this morning, I called my very nice landlady and left her a message asking about the situation. She called me back and said that she had never sent anyone into my apartment to move the smoke detector!! She had called the maintenance man and he didn't know anything about it either!! She also assured me that the smoke detector had indeed been above the bathroom door as they are all in the same places in all of her apartments. WTF??! Who would come into my house and move a smoke detector? Very weird. She is having the locks replaced today and moving the smoke detector back where it was. Matt says I should call the police and report it just in case there is a serial killer on the loose who breaks into ladies' apartments and moves the smoke detector shortly before he comes back to murder them. AAAHHHHHH. I don't want to die! In case the murderer is reading this blog, go fuck yourself! I have a giant killer dog now who will eat your face off if you come in again.

Save-the-Dates TV Challenge

I am issuing myself a weekend challenge - Not to turn the TV on from 7pm Friday to 7 pm Monday. This is what is referred to as "Extreme." Maybe even "X-treme." Put your bets in now, people. I will report back on Monday and let you know how I do. It may prove to be particularly difficult on Saturday afternoon as many of my friends are attending a wedding to which I was not invited. Interestingly, I received a "Save-the-Date" for said wedding, yet no official invitation ever arrived. This presented a socially awkward/unpleasant situation with which I was not quite sure how to deal. What is the protocol for something like that? Clearly, they had planned on inviting me 5 months ago. BUT, in the 5 months that have passed since the Save-the-Date was received, I haven't seen the bride and groom too much. Perhaps they realized they had over-invited and had to make some cuts? Who knows? It is a question, unfortunately, I felt like I could not pose to the happy couple. If they had indeed uninvited me, it would be embarrassing and rude to make them say it to my face. On the other hand, there is a possibility that my invitation was lost in the mail. I have moved since the Save-the-Date was sent, but, my mail was forwarded, so even if they sent it to the old address, it should have made it to me. Of course, if this is the case, then they probably think that I am the asshole who doesn't RSVP and is just not going to show up for their big day. Either way, I think that is a topic that can't really be broached until after the wedding, so I am going to miss it tomorrow which will make it very hard for me to resist turning on the television set and feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to do my best to stare at the wall and feel sorry for myself instead.
No carbs til Tuesday when Megsy and I go to The Palm. Oh, Lobster bisque, I cannot say no to you.

The Tax Man is making me need therapy.

I've spent the last day or so working on my taxes and organizing financial documents. A couple of months ago, I decided to stop opening mail and just shove it all in a drawer in my kitchen. After spending a delightfully long weekend with Niki in Napa, I figured I needed to take care of all this shit. Of course, the timing could not have been worse since I spent probably 2 weeks salary on booze while I was up there. Anyway, the result has been a downward mental spiral that has culminated in the realization that I am poor. I don't like it. How dare the Universe take It's problems out on me like this? I have half a mind to stop participating in society just to make It feel badly about what It's done to me. If It thinks I'm doing yoga or sending It positive energy anytime soon, It can think again.

To add to my misery, I've put the smack down on carbohydrates once again. It seems that when I refuse to eat carbs, I comsume considerably fewer calories throughout the day. This isn't always a good thing. If  I am not allowing myself carbs, I guess I would rather just not eat at all. According to Livestrong, I only ate about 1200 calories yesterday and most of those came from a jar (that used to be full) of olives.  Sigh. Why do I insist on making life more difficult for myself? Flabby arms, that's why!

Have you seen this thing yet?  http://www.lewhif.com/
Le Whif is breathable chocolate. What? It's either the stupidest or most brillant thing I've ever encountered. I don't think you can get it in LA yet, so I've yet to make a final decision. I believe it is available in NYC. I'd love to hear any reports from verified users. As a former smoker, the cigratte-like packaging is very appealing to me. As is the sucking.

So, while I await my accountant's verdict, I will dream about pastel tubes of cocoa powder and a world in which onion bagels have 0 grams of carbs and love you back.

Terrible Headshots - Vol. 6

Oh, you already have your own Yorick? Well, hell, you're hired!

1st Quarter Report - 2010

Can you believe it, folks? The first three months of the new decade have flown by us like those little white flying things from Avatar. I've decided to take this self-created opportunity and list my top 5 things of the first quarter of 2010. Please keep in mind that the only criteria for this list is that it is new TO ME in the past 3 months. Maybe you knew about this stuff a decade ago. So, here they are, in no particular order.

1.) www.livestrong.com - this marvelous website provides many tools for healthy living conveniently and for free. You can track your daily food intake and exercise in a non-intrusive way. There is also a handy little app that you can get for your blackberry or iphone that syncs with the website so you can keep track while you're mobile. Additionally, the website offers help with smoking cessation and finances and many other "lifestyle" areas.

2.) Wine Clubs - Joining a wine club is truly one of the nicest things I've ever done for myself. Every couple of months, two or three delightful bottles arrive at my office and make me feel very important. I decided to join after visiting Mumm on a holiday trip to see Niki who lives in Napa. The winery is lovely and has amazing views. There is a quaint little patio where you can enjoy the sunshine and a glass of bubbly. Lately, I've been drinking lots of sparkling, so Mumm made sense for me. The best thing about visiting a winery and then becoming a member is that when you get the reserves in the mail, you know exactly where the grapes grew. It's also exciting because next time I go to the winery, I will get my complimentary tasting in addition to my member discount. Their Brut Rose is divine, by the way, and you can get it in Trader Joe's for $17.99.

3.) The amazingly talented singer/songwriter, Katie Thompson - This bitch can sing. I had the pleasure of seeing her perform at a club in West Hollywood and then as a "special guest" in my friend's one-man show. She brings the house down, people. As an independent artist in a struggling industry, she has started releasing two tracks a month on her own via the internet. I highly recommend that you go to itunes and get some of that shit at your earliest convenience. Her cover of Heaven is a Place on Earth is truly mind blowing. Get on this train.

4.) Another website - Groupon.com - If you are not a member of this site by now and you live in a major city, I'm not sure what is wrong with you. Everyday, these guys email you "the deal of the day," offering significant discounts (sometimes 80%) on the services of a local business in your area. Sometimes it's a restaurant, sometimes it's yoga classes. Today it was 74% off an infrared body wrap. I'm not sure what that is, but sounds like a good deal to me. You buy the "groupon" through their website and then you can print it when you want to use it. You usually have a couple of months to use it from the date of purchase. In order for the deal to work, enough people have to buy it. So, once enough are sold, the deal is on. Thus, the name Groupon. Don't get what I'm saying? Go to the website and check it out. Tell them I sent you. http://groupon.com/r/uu984853 (Cut and paste this).

5.) Food + Lab on Santa Monica and Poinsettia - I actually learned of this place through Groupon. It's a tiny little restaurant with counter service that concocts some of the most delicious organic fare I've ever had the pleasure of ingesting. Very reasonably priced, they offer sandwiches, salads and amazing sides. You can also get breakfast dishes if you get there early enough. Everything is fresh, the eggs come from chickens who roam free and I don't know where the bread comes from, but it is about as perfect as bread can get. Sandwiches include GORGONZOLA DOLCE WITH FIG COMPOTE, PEAR & HONEY ON RAISIN WALNUT and ORGANIC CHICKEN WIENERSCHNITZEL W. LINGONBERRY CHUTNEY & AIOLI ON CIABATTA. Click here for the entire menu - http://foodlabcatering.com/new_menus/lunch_menu.pdf
The only downsides are that the chairs are very uncomfortable and if you go when they're busy, you can expect a long wait for your food. I was once there for 30 minutes for a to-go order. BUT, I can walk there from my house, soooo...there you go. My personal favorite is the chicken salad. Seriously the best I've ever had. I mentioned this to one of the employees once and he told me that he sometimes dreams about it.

Hot Boot Camp Guy Update

It turns out that I misread the aforementioned flier and Mr. Boot Camp was our sub yesterday and today. His hotness was definitely not a joke. Turns out, I found him to be quite delightful and was happy to participate in his boot camp activities. In all honesty, I forgot he was coming yesterday and went anyway. If I had remembered, I would have skipped it. Luckily, I have a shitty memory because my ass feels like it absolutely got it's boot camp money's worth the past two days. There is a chance that he will be subbing again in the near future. I think I speak for all my boot camp ladies when I say - fingers crossed.

One of the reasons I haven't been posting anything lately is because my life has been so utterly boring. The things that have been going on are things that do not belong on the internet no matter how few people read this blog. They involve a person peeing in my kitchen sink and another one being so devoid of human communication skills that he would rather never speak to me again than tell me how he really feels. I think both of them have to go.

Pleasantly, I am having strip mall sushi in the valley tonight with a handful of my favs. The restaurant is referred to by my associates as "gangsta" sushi. It is nestled between a liquor store and a dry cleaners in a very unappealing neighborhood and has a curtain hanging in the front door and window so you can't see inside from the sidewalk. Upon stepping through said curtain, it does not appear to be any more impressive than, say, a gas station; however, their philly rolls are to die for and you can't go wrong with the plum wine. Whatever you do, DO NOT order anything with a scallop or shit starts to rapidly go downhill. They also have a wheel on the wall on which you can earn spins. You can win things like a free sake bomb (Sadly, my friend, Trixi, has gotten 3 Losers in a row. Tragic.). In addition to all that, there is a wall of champions: people who have consumed 2 number 10 spicy pieces of sushi. From what I can gather from those photos, #10 is also no joke. The people in them all look like they had just or were about to vomit. Last time we were there, some guy told us that one of his friends was one of the brave men and women on the wall and that, after consuming the dreaded fish, he was violently ill for 3 days and could not eat anything else. Magical.