Terrible Headshots - Vol. 6

Oh, you already have your own Yorick? Well, hell, you're hired!

1st Quarter Report - 2010

Can you believe it, folks? The first three months of the new decade have flown by us like those little white flying things from Avatar. I've decided to take this self-created opportunity and list my top 5 things of the first quarter of 2010. Please keep in mind that the only criteria for this list is that it is new TO ME in the past 3 months. Maybe you knew about this stuff a decade ago. So, here they are, in no particular order.

1.) www.livestrong.com - this marvelous website provides many tools for healthy living conveniently and for free. You can track your daily food intake and exercise in a non-intrusive way. There is also a handy little app that you can get for your blackberry or iphone that syncs with the website so you can keep track while you're mobile. Additionally, the website offers help with smoking cessation and finances and many other "lifestyle" areas.

2.) Wine Clubs - Joining a wine club is truly one of the nicest things I've ever done for myself. Every couple of months, two or three delightful bottles arrive at my office and make me feel very important. I decided to join after visiting Mumm on a holiday trip to see Niki who lives in Napa. The winery is lovely and has amazing views. There is a quaint little patio where you can enjoy the sunshine and a glass of bubbly. Lately, I've been drinking lots of sparkling, so Mumm made sense for me. The best thing about visiting a winery and then becoming a member is that when you get the reserves in the mail, you know exactly where the grapes grew. It's also exciting because next time I go to the winery, I will get my complimentary tasting in addition to my member discount. Their Brut Rose is divine, by the way, and you can get it in Trader Joe's for $17.99.

3.) The amazingly talented singer/songwriter, Katie Thompson - This bitch can sing. I had the pleasure of seeing her perform at a club in West Hollywood and then as a "special guest" in my friend's one-man show. She brings the house down, people. As an independent artist in a struggling industry, she has started releasing two tracks a month on her own via the internet. I highly recommend that you go to itunes and get some of that shit at your earliest convenience. Her cover of Heaven is a Place on Earth is truly mind blowing. Get on this train.

4.) Another website - Groupon.com - If you are not a member of this site by now and you live in a major city, I'm not sure what is wrong with you. Everyday, these guys email you "the deal of the day," offering significant discounts (sometimes 80%) on the services of a local business in your area. Sometimes it's a restaurant, sometimes it's yoga classes. Today it was 74% off an infrared body wrap. I'm not sure what that is, but sounds like a good deal to me. You buy the "groupon" through their website and then you can print it when you want to use it. You usually have a couple of months to use it from the date of purchase. In order for the deal to work, enough people have to buy it. So, once enough are sold, the deal is on. Thus, the name Groupon. Don't get what I'm saying? Go to the website and check it out. Tell them I sent you. http://groupon.com/r/uu984853 (Cut and paste this).

5.) Food + Lab on Santa Monica and Poinsettia - I actually learned of this place through Groupon. It's a tiny little restaurant with counter service that concocts some of the most delicious organic fare I've ever had the pleasure of ingesting. Very reasonably priced, they offer sandwiches, salads and amazing sides. You can also get breakfast dishes if you get there early enough. Everything is fresh, the eggs come from chickens who roam free and I don't know where the bread comes from, but it is about as perfect as bread can get. Sandwiches include GORGONZOLA DOLCE WITH FIG COMPOTE, PEAR & HONEY ON RAISIN WALNUT and ORGANIC CHICKEN WIENERSCHNITZEL W. LINGONBERRY CHUTNEY & AIOLI ON CIABATTA. Click here for the entire menu - http://foodlabcatering.com/new_menus/lunch_menu.pdf
The only downsides are that the chairs are very uncomfortable and if you go when they're busy, you can expect a long wait for your food. I was once there for 30 minutes for a to-go order. BUT, I can walk there from my house, soooo...there you go. My personal favorite is the chicken salad. Seriously the best I've ever had. I mentioned this to one of the employees once and he told me that he sometimes dreams about it.

Hot Boot Camp Guy Update

It turns out that I misread the aforementioned flier and Mr. Boot Camp was our sub yesterday and today. His hotness was definitely not a joke. Turns out, I found him to be quite delightful and was happy to participate in his boot camp activities. In all honesty, I forgot he was coming yesterday and went anyway. If I had remembered, I would have skipped it. Luckily, I have a shitty memory because my ass feels like it absolutely got it's boot camp money's worth the past two days. There is a chance that he will be subbing again in the near future. I think I speak for all my boot camp ladies when I say - fingers crossed.

One of the reasons I haven't been posting anything lately is because my life has been so utterly boring. The things that have been going on are things that do not belong on the internet no matter how few people read this blog. They involve a person peeing in my kitchen sink and another one being so devoid of human communication skills that he would rather never speak to me again than tell me how he really feels. I think both of them have to go.

Pleasantly, I am having strip mall sushi in the valley tonight with a handful of my favs. The restaurant is referred to by my associates as "gangsta" sushi. It is nestled between a liquor store and a dry cleaners in a very unappealing neighborhood and has a curtain hanging in the front door and window so you can't see inside from the sidewalk. Upon stepping through said curtain, it does not appear to be any more impressive than, say, a gas station; however, their philly rolls are to die for and you can't go wrong with the plum wine. Whatever you do, DO NOT order anything with a scallop or shit starts to rapidly go downhill. They also have a wheel on the wall on which you can earn spins. You can win things like a free sake bomb (Sadly, my friend, Trixi, has gotten 3 Losers in a row. Tragic.). In addition to all that, there is a wall of champions: people who have consumed 2 number 10 spicy pieces of sushi. From what I can gather from those photos, #10 is also no joke. The people in them all look like they had just or were about to vomit. Last time we were there, some guy told us that one of his friends was one of the brave men and women on the wall and that, after consuming the dreaded fish, he was violently ill for 3 days and could not eat anything else. Magical.

Hot Guy Boot Camp Invasion!

This morning at boot camp our instructor announced that she would be absent for a couple days at the end of next week and that there would be a substitute drill sergeant filling in for her. She then proceeded to pass out a flier with several other announcements and a photograph of the substitute in question. Now, this photo was in black and white and was clearly a digital photo which had been copied, but, from what I can tell, this guy is extremely hot. Having an incredibly good looking guy tell me to run around and do push ups and dead weight lifts does not interest me AT ALL. It makes me nervous. I don't want him to see me that way. I gotta tell you, boot camp is not a pretty place nor am I pretty while in attendance. Today I had to ask for a tissue because I had so much snot coming out of my face. Luckily, someone had a crumpled up paper towel in their pocket, otherwise I would have been forced to use my pink hoodie or to just wipe my face on the dewy grass. I think the only time I've been happier to see a paper towel is that one time when I was peeing on the side of the road. I have vowed to attend all 5 classes next week and I will not let SUB's presence deter me from my goal. I will, however, avoid eye contact at all cost and try to set up my mat as far away from him as possible.
Interestingly, I have a male gynecologist and that doesn't seem to bother me.

Pancake day (1 week late)

I ate a Lean Cuisine today that I had put in the mini fridge freezer in my office quite awhile ago. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now my stomach is making weird noises. It does say "No Preservatives" in big letters on the front of the box and it did have a fairly flourishing patch of freezer burn all over the top. I have vowed to bring my lunch everyday this week and when I was packing up this morning, I was a bit rushed and distinctly remembered putting that baked chicken with corn and fake mashed potatoes in there. What was I supposed to do?

I think there is a ghost in the bathroom at work. One of the automatic faucets in there keeps going off even though no one is activating it (my stomach just made a weird noise again). I was sitting in a stall, minding my own business, thinking I was alone the first time it happened. It's really cold in there, too. I wonder if anyone else has noticed it. Too bad there are no other women in this office.

I keep finding tiny holes in the bottoms of my shirts. I think it's like 4 or 5 of them now. Maybe it's the washing machine? Or the detergent? Whatever it is, I don't care for it. I really don't want to buy new clothes right now. I'm too fat and I'm waiting for the boot camp activities to kick in before new garments are purchased. I'm off to join the gym tonight. LA Fitness - they have nighttime yoga classes which is great when you have no daylight hours to yourself.

I've been working on the weekends for one of our clients. The nice thing about it besides the extra money is the items one acquires while assisting someone with good taste in a bit of early spring cleaning.

Tomorrow is free pancake day at IHOP. I realize that 3 pancakes are not that expensive and are basically available to me whenever I may need them, but I am surprisingly excited about this event. I've already sent the word out to several people and I'm pretty sure I've amassed a free pancake posse. This is probably going to be the most exciting thing that happens to me this week. Sad or awesome? You decide.

The Oscars

If District 9 wins a single Academy Award, I am changing professions.

Terrible Headshots - Vol. 5

One is better than four. Unless the one is that bottom photo.